Bad boy part 1

Ever noticed how I exaggerate my smiles? ( Keep this question in mind) This here my guys is another true story. I’ll call this guy lemon. Because of the obvious reasons.

So I’m walking, the heat was burning me! Langata is not a good place to be walking I swear, I’ve told my mom a tonnes of time that I needed a car. anyway, so this time I wasn’t going home, I was going to meet a guy I just met on Instagram (wrong move sis. Wrong move) anyway this guy was one of those “rich kids” of Instagram. He’d been tagged in a post by some comedian who was being aggressive about rich kids and he asked people to tag some of them. it was a shady move I must admit. I don’t even know why I did it. But I guess I’m more of a girl who’s more into the thrilling side of life.

So he would constantly like my photos and was cool and really really handsome. He wasn’t those guys who put some funny hairstyles and dress in some crazy luminous clothes in the name of drip. I’d like to say he was a decent young man. A guy of 23 or 24 years. He was a really young guy. Or even less. So we had agreed we meet for chicken near our place. Things could go really south with strangers. And I wasn’t ready to be cat fished by some old lad looking to get lucky with me. So I’m there waiting on his call to at least tell me he’d gotten here. I got tired and decided to go home for a few minutes. Would be best to just pass some good time with family.

So he tells me there is traffic and he was going to be a bit late. And so fine. At least I’m home. It was around 7.30 there and I was getting impatient. So I call him back. He says his dad won’t allow him to go far.( Bare In mind from our place to his was a 15 minutes drive tops plus the traffic that wasn’t even there at the time) so I ask him ” so what do we do we already made plans”. And he says ” you come over at my friends place” red flags!!!!! I said fine. Remember I said I’m more into thrills and stuff like that. So I take an Uber and I send my best friend the pin just in case something happens she’d know. Also I sent her his number and his picture. I had to be cautious. The Uber took like 12 minutes to get there and it was some sort of shopping centre, malls and boutiques and ice cream shops, i didn’t expect to be in such a place! Anyway it was a descent neighborhood just not my type of vibe. It was just okay. So we wait and he comes. He looks even better in person and I thanked God this wasn’t a scam bag. So I’m still seated in the Uber waiting for him to pay. And he says ” si ulipe twende na tunangojewa” so much for being a rich kid! No problem I was raised to be independent anyway ( plus it was just 300 bob ) that I could pay without thinking. I was wearing a slightly below the knee maroon skirt, a lace top, heels and a leather jacket. I looked stunning! I really was prepared to make a good first impression.

So we get to his friends’ house. But wait there is a plot twist… It wasn’t a house. It was a studio! A studio. There was a lot of activity going on at that time people recording and stuff like that. And in my small mind I’m thinking ” oh maybe we’re pregaming before we get to the actual house” is it just me or you can also see a clown here? Look! I’m naive I wasn’t reading between the lines. So anyway his friends are mad lively and friendly. I get to know some of them and we even have mutual friends with his cousin. It was all fun and games. Then the guys there say we order drinks. No wait! Not that we order, they made contributions for someone to go and buy drinks. Okay cool! It dint even take long and then lemon and his friends come back with what looks like Gin. Ahh, nice one boys. Just perfect 👌 I said under my breath. So anyway they give me and tell me to open it. And you know what I find there???? Kenya cane! Kenya cane you guys. I just couldn’t. no hell way was I having that poison.

So I act cool and open it then give them my always lame excuse that I have ulcers and that I don’t drink. They obviously did not buy that lie. So they force me into drinking it. Another plot twist here( that whole time lemon and his cousin were speaking in some sign language, the kind like they were signalling each other to leave or something) so anyway, this guy lemon doesn’t seem anyway more interested in me like he was before and I wonder what changed. After drinks he said he wants to leave and that I should take an Uber ( it was 1 am) who goes home at one!! Who??????

Anyway, he man handles me to his friend’s car and tells me to sit at the far end. My heart was racing, I was literally sweating. I was shocked I mean, who does that?? He then comes super close to me and clenches my throat and whispers ” I swear if you ever tell anyone about this you’re dead!” And I can swear for a minute there I heard my heart stop. I look at him straight all scared and ask him ” please whatever you want to do just don’t rape me ” he locked the car, looked at me straight in the eye and tells me, “let’s see about that”

Beautiful men

I’m from getting food and there’s always this young elegant man I stare at every time I’m at the queue. A bit chubby with connecting side buns pink lips, moderately tall and with a fair skin tone. He’s usually not interested at the fair share of girls drooling at him. But I can promise you he’s a perfect definition of handsome. I wouldn’t normally talk like this about a colleague but every rule has an exception right? One thing is for sure though, he’s going to be single for a little while longer than most of the guys around this area reason being? He’s handsome. And that’s that.

So there’s a time my mom told me one thing that stuck to my brain to date she said when you date a good looking man just be sure you’re not the only one who’s seeing his handsomeness. You are not the only woman that will find him attractive. Those words completely changed my view of men. Of course what she said was true and that is why women fear good looking men. It is a bit hard to believe that an attractive man is single. Believe me he has to produce a ‘being single’ receipt or something for me or most of the ladies to believe.

I was having a discussion with a friend and she was telling me how she spends sleepless nights thinking about where her man is or what he’s doing and with who. Reason being she’s dating an extremely elegant man. Those kind of men you’d sit staring at for hours on end. “But I sleep well even if warren is out all night! I mean with such looks he has to really struggle to impress a woman” another friend added her fair share of experience in dating a not so good looking man and we laughed it off. But at the end of the day I was left with a really good of a thought. Who really is happier between the two of them?

Truth is, with a guy with what I’d like to term as a personal face ( no one is ugly) he has to really work hard to impress ladies or anyone in that case so these guys really work hard to balance things. In this case most of those guys are usually wealthy or are very eloquent. There has to be something they’re really good at that makes someone shift their focus from their looks. Such men are normally romantic. These are the kind of guys who would get you a red Audi on Valentine’s. ( I hope someone is reading between the lines) and that is why you’d see a very stun looking man with a very beautiful woman and you’d spend time thinking how possible that is. There is completely no plot twist. Fact is, that man treats her right. In fact when your handsome man is getting you a blouse on your birthday, she’s being booked a flight to Dubai.

Let’s shift our point of view to these good looking men that look like God sprinkled bamboo water on them and added them a ray of Bahama sunshine into their bodies. So basically these men grew up with full attention from left right and centre. They had the privilege of being a teachers pet, were the favorite of their mothers and got things easy right from birth. For starters, these guy’s don’t care about anyone’s feelings… They’re so used to having all the attention at their disposal with just a snap of a finger. These men won’t work hard, they have things figured out. But now here is the reality. They have nothing else to offer apart from their looks. Who in this century wants a good looking man with nothing else to offer? No one! Absolutely no one.

Which brings me to my major point, where does happiness really lie? In my opinion the lady with the personal face boyfriend will obviously be happy at the end of the day. Her man has no business flirting with other ladies. It’s too much work for them. An that’s why these handsome men end up with funny looking ladies. They had nothing else to offer from the beginning.

In no world would I go for a handsome guy if I’m being objective and I’m not also saying I like the not so good looking guys, love knows no looks. But think about it. Theres so much more that a man has to offer apart from looks and beautiful babies. And honestly that is not a collective view. I am nowhere close to being against these good-looking men. They deserve all the best. But the truth hurts!

The things we do for love

  • Well well well, I guess this is going to be my favorite article.. what in the world is love even? Because that is the only thing I’ve never gotten the answer to.( The following story is based on true events) I believe I’ve done the most absurd things

Anyway, it all started when I felt I was a grownup and was finally ready to move out of my hostel, my folks were obviously strongly against it because, i mean, can I really do the basics? Alone to be precise? I really thank God for my understanding mom. She’s always given us the best so I really never had to struggle with chores.

Moving on, I’ll call this guy krest( im honestly brain drained) he doesn’t even deserve such a nice name. But anyway, i don’t want trouble. Lol. So I met krest at my brokest moments I had moved out without thinking about the consequences… My folks didn’t even know, because I can swear things were super tough for me. I remember me and my friend didn’t even have a mattress, we would just sleep on my duvet and cover ourselves with her soft blanket. We lived like poor people, we didn’t even have a cooker. I think you get the message. A whole me. Anyway, that is the time I met the so called love of my life ( I feel so stupid)

Me and Krest met on my first day of campus. He was showing us around the school neighborhood and the best places to reside. I stared at him for like twenty minutes. I swear till today i have never met a man so handsome and perfect. There’s usually a type of guys I like, and I don’t shift priorities. Like if you look at all the guys I’ve dated they almost look the same. He had perfectly fit the bill and even was way better than my normal expectations. So krest loved me coz of materialistic reasons. Sorry liked. Not loved. His dream car was apparently an Audi, which my dad drove and was kind enough to carry him in. ( How I wish we could have just knocked him over) anyway I think he got the idea that I was from a rich family and he knew I was the perfect person to fool.

Me and Krest never talked after that day, we didn’t exchange numbers( coz my dad was there) and that was that. Till one year later when it was the eve of my birthday. That day my friends spoilt me sick! I ask and I get, looking around I see the man of my dreams.( Sarcastic tone) he was holding a beer . It was almost finished and then he saw me ( the person to prey on) and at that moment nilikua nimechafua meza ( my table was full of drinks) so just like other men would naturally do, he came, we talked for a bit then he asked if he could join, so typical of him. So we talked , intoxicated me started spilling emotions and he said he was looking for a nice way to approach me,and I’ve been his crush for the longest time. (He dint even know my name, stupid boy used to call me Audi girl) pesa ya wazazi si pesa yangu!!!! And by the way he drank a couple of my bottles. Shameless!

Anyway, one thing led to another we started dating. Now this guy we only met twice at his place, from then he’d always tell me he has issues at home, or he’s traveling, or he has a gig somewhere or organizing things, he was always busy. The few times we met he’d always complain that he’s so broke he hasn’t eaten. So when I got the little cash i’d always buy him packed lunch. Or a cake once in a while, please bare in mind that he never ever even spent a coin on me. Except for the one time when he bought me mandazis and cooked me strong tea. “Audi girl” much. ( My eyes are welling up) lol nah. Of which he bought me those mandazis coz he starved me that night. I am free to say that man is trash?

Anyway, he used to complain about being broke all the time, but that was the least of my concerns. Love rules out things. Or it’s blind. Whatever love is, it is a terrible mess. So remember this girl sponsoring this guy is actually sleeping on the floor ironically. Now let me drop for you guys bombshells!!!!

So this there was this time your homegirl ( don’t be confused I’m the homegirl 😂) felt a bit generous. This is just sad. Give me a moment to cry. Anway, I felt I should just go get this guy a nice meal. I had not even eaten myself, I think I had like 300 then I sleep and wait to starve to death( my mom must be in tears now) lol. A few moments later I see a post on instagram I think I followed his girlfriend and I din’t know. On her stories she had posted The food and drink I had bought him and with no shame posting ‘look what bae got me for dinner’ I am feeding the girlfriend to my boyfriend. Campus guys campus guys! Yaani roho mbaya! My mouth went dry, I couldn’t even believe this was happening to me. I only saw such posts on Twitter and thought people were just pretending. Nikajua nimecheswa!

The foolish me believed his lies, he was saying that was his cousin( I don’t know why people lie using cousins)so again on Valentine’s I decided to surprise him. I saved up some cash and got him a gift for Valentine’s. I’m still having one meal a day, I’m still living in a bedsitter with my friend ,I am still sleeping on the floor. Gosh! Anyway, I still managed to get a thankless guy a nice gift. i even carried him food that I ordered and was going to surprise him.

So blind me is walking in the cold going to his crib to surprise him. and what I heard shocked me. Yaani this guy was shamelessly making some other girl scream in his crib. if you know what I mean. I just laughed at how stupid I was. I just went out sat in a nearby shop, fed myself the meal I had ordered for our special day, and took my nice gift and went home, slept like nothing happened.

I think he forgot to hide me in his whatsapp status coz he posted a picture of him and his so called cousin happy Valentine’s.. ruthless creature! I can tell you for free I wasn’t even sad. Such men don’t deserve a tear.

Now looking back at how I struggled to make ends meet and still try to make some guy who cared less about me, I must have been very stupid. I still see him posting his “cousin” all over media as if she’s lost. But I was so stupid! And now I will always tell ladies for free, handsome men are to be feared! I hope the government arrests him for having illegal relations with his “cousin”

Oh before I forget, he ofcos changed my name on his phone from “Audi girl” to “fresher” while we were still together!!! I doubt he even knows my name 😂

Ghost

I am seated next to a man, I am in a public setting, he keeps staring at me and making lame jokes, he takes out his phone and I immediately know it is at this moment I’m about to get my dreams fall into a trap. He has the then new iPhone and I could tell he is definitely a man of class, for years I had hoped someone this good looking young,and a man of reasonable class would look at me the way he did. Chill sis. He just wants to use you. Relax!! I had been maintaining my cool for the past 2 hrs. He’d been drinking his shot of jack Daniels or Hennessey I don’t know. I was not myself that day.

Moving on… He is intruigingly handsome,my best friend would probably slap me for that statement. But anyway, I found him so attractive and at that moment I knew my life was about to go haywire. These are the kind of men that play around with your heart, make you feel attached then leave, or ghost for lack of a better word. I gave him my number and he quickly saved it regardless of the fact that his friend was the one with me,( like brought me) he’d call me countless of times and I remember telling myself this was not a good sign. I had a bad feeling the whole time. I should have known. I should have known these were red flags from the start. Anyway, relax nothing really happened between us. I followed my instincts but I should have maintained my cool. I should.

Anyway, I kept on ignoring him till when I dint. On God that was the worst mistake I did that year. So he was really sneaky. Like you know these guys who seem to have practiced the art of being deceptful. He was such a guy, I mean, this guy didn’t even show any Ill intentions the second time we met. Or even the third and a small voice told me this might be different. Honestly he was the type of guy who knew what to say, when to say it and how to say it, he was the type of guy who would shower you with all the gifts and all the attention a girl ever needs. I had found my perfect man. I even prayed about it. I was so sure this was it and I remember telling myself, faith this is it! This is your guy. I even wrote a whole poem about him, it was just so much intense attraction. He had perfectly fit the bill of being the love of my life. Im so stupid

Moving on, you know this cliché saying that a man will do whatever to get whatever he wanted? Literally this is it. After many occurrences of him proving my doubts wrong. I knew why not? I mean this guy is too good of a deal, I should have thought twice. So he lives in the high ends of the city, he drives a nice car, he has a perfectly stable job, goes to the most expensive restaurants. This is it! A man I can at least relate with. I remember as he picked me up from my Uber, that day I just felt the need to cry. He’d hold my hand and smile at me. That damned smile,that smile could probably end world hunger, that smile looks like God took 16 days to make it, he was just too good even for me. I even remember asking him if it was real. So we drive past a couple of high end restaurants and we stop at a gated estate, a place so serene, it was as if it was obscene. Remember I had never thought of myself as attractive and I kept on wondering why this man was so much onto me. I guess I attracted the bad vibes.

So we get into his apartment or wherever that place was and it was magical. So after having a short conversation and having lunch he calls me to the bedroom area. I was simply feeling some sort of butterflies and wasn’t really sure of what I was doing but I told myself over and over I had nothing to lose. He was even holding my hand in public right?what was the fuss about anyway? So we kick it, I remember the way he held me , the way he smelled, the way he kissed me, I remember it like it was yesterday. I had never felt so happy in a long time and I could swear I wanted to remain with him the entire day. So it was good, I hope that was a mutual feeling. I really do.

So he calls me an Uber and I head home as usual. I get back and tell him i’m home safe and he ignores. Two days later no communication. I try calling him he hangs up and calls me later in the night asking me why I dint pick his call. Sneaky🙄 anyway, I try explaining my reasons and he gives me a vague reason then never talks to me. Two months later no talk, no call he literally did not contact me. Where did I go wrong? So for those two month id burry myself in years, funny how my fairy tale went east. How my love left without a say or an explanation. So what really happened? He ghosted me just like that? And why would he have to wait all this while to do this? So I’m at crossroads with my thoughts. I swear i could write an entire book about that man. I would. That is how much I had invested my feelings.

So anyway, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, I moved on, it was painful but “the end justifies the means.” I remember telling myself. And that said i moved on swiftly, and my life was somehow taking shape. He comes back again. Remember I’m not over him so the foolish me again falls into this trap. I’m again over joyed lying to myslef of how he maybe, just maybe changed or was busy, so after him thrilling me with sweet words, he went mute. I mean what do you do to deserve your feelings played with like that? I just couldn’t get myself to come into terms with the fact that this wasn’t meant to be. I know what you’re thinking move on he probably doesn’t even love you a bit. Trust me I tried. Trust me I buried myself in depression trying to figure out how things went from a hundred to zero that fast.

A week or two later, my love posts his kid. I mean how even???! How in the world was he even having a kid in the first place? What had I gotten myself into? He was young, I hadn’t pictured him having a kid or a wife! I mean men, men, and I swear on God I wasn’t the type to be stuck in the middle of a relationship with a cuffed guy. Things just got from being bad to being hell fire worse. I remember being my knees crying my balls out and questioning God. I honestly dint think I deserved that. I did not see that coming. And I’d constantly tell myself how bad things happen for a reason, and I guess my chances of bad luck were already finished. I got played, I played myself a good one. And that was it. My life was over.

I could swear I had promised myself to die single. that was too much pain in a sequence. I don’t know who needs to hear this but you don’t do that to human beings. You don’t juggle with their feelings. Someone’s daughter could not be as strong as I was, someone’s son could not be as patient as I was. JUST DON’T GO GHOSTING PEOPLE. So as I tried picking myself up and kept wishing no one takes advantage of my sadness, I just did not want to accept I was played on like that. if death could offer peace I’d have chosen death over anything. But i cannot die because of a person who wouldn’t think twice about stepping all over me. A person who wouldn’t consider me as a priority even if his life depended on it. Anyway, lesson was learned the hard way for sure. I still dont know what I did wrong. I just hope no one ever falls victim like the way I did.

Men are not trash, you are..

How could you be broke and you are a girl ” the most annoying words to hear. There’s this norm that girls have it easy in life and I can bet on my life that only occurs In a club. It is only in a club that someone offers you two bottles of cheap Smirnoff and suddenly they think they can chipo you. Mind you they offered. You din’t ask

Anyway, I am a woman, I know how hard it is to make ends meet especially when you’re in campus. And people would really assume that just because your boyfriend drives a big car and lives in the high ends of Nairobi you have it going easy. Two words. Extremely absurd.

As an educated woman I know a man does not owe me anything. Just because we are in a relationship it doesn’t mean you will pay for my hair or Uber or whatever else is needed. Unless you offer whole heartedly. I know the girls reading this are cursing under their breathe but those are facts. Women nowadays get into a two weeks relationship and already asking for money as if it’s a fee for dating them. That is stupidity of the highest level.

I had a talk recently with my guy and he was telling me how women will never see heaven. he was asking how come women never pay their own bills and all I could manage was a simple ‘ I don’t really know’ if you have the money why not pay your own bills? Same women who want equality are the same women who can’t split bills with a man. Again, men don’t owe you shit.

It’s reached a point that when my bestfriend and I take ourselves out on a good date men suddenly think we are hunting. It’s almost as if a woman can’t take herself out on a good date because we are so used to using men. Or rather people are so used to seeing our bills paid by men. And that is why men will forever see women as vulnerable. Honestly an accomplished woman scares away men. Ask yourself why.

As I am writing this I am nowhere against women who get treated by their men. That is your luck and you should really thank God for it. Some of us don’t know what that feels like. And that’s my cup of tea and I am happy like that (okay, maybe not as much but I’m okay.)

I don’t expect my man to pay my rent or do my hair unless of course, he feels he should or he wants to. And you wonder why men leave after a month and suddenly someone is crying men are trash, he used me, and the story could go on for years.. but did you for a second think you used him too? Is he your father to begin with? You swindled money from that hard-working man that suddenly he felt you were being a pressure. Men don’t like pressure and you will be cat-fished with such behaviours.

Anyway, I hope my folks read this and consider my small struggle and give me a raise. That’s besides the point. But I guess with a good heart one is able to distinguish between using a man and simply asking for help.okay that’s a far cry. But you get my point?

And men also need to be more romantic, if you see your woman is tired, give her a nice massage. The little things matter, or at least take her out once in a while. From experience I can bet romantic guys get treated by their ladies more. It’s always a two way kind of thing. Take me out for lunch, next time I’m getting you that Woolworth’s jeans you wanted. (I swear if I had the money I’d get a guy I love a Rolex) but si ni life?

I believe the world would stop stereotyping women if just a few of these slay queens would stop demanding for money as if it’s payment. Change starts with you. You are looking for a man with a goal but you are low-key gold digging the man who simply worked fair and square to get accomplished. Men are not trash, you are( I shall now await a backlash from ladies who think this post is out to get them)

Lying mortals

What are the odds of loving someone and getting the same amount of love at the same time? What are the chances of people even getting attracted to each other at once? I mean all these things don’t make sense to me. I don’t know if I’m having a really bad time, experience, or both. Love has never been my cup of tea. It’s either I meet a good man with hidden intentions (mostly psychotic) or I meet a bad man with extremely good looks. For me the odds seem to be a little slimmer.

All in all I’d rather be with a bad guy than a pretender, and men, trust you me if you want to keep a woman, be honest. I don’t care how much it hurts her but honesty saves time and it is stunningly impressive. It’s not about the six inches of which most guys with such barely even know how to utilise their good blessing. such a shame! Honesty first. That’s a key word.

I’ve had worst experiences when it comes to love. Almost feels like I could write an entire novel. But liars are just something else. You know the kind of love that makes you yearn and invest then turns out it was all a lie? And I’m not talking about cheating. I have not even once in my life met a faithful man. Stone me if you feel I’m being biased but in all honesty I have never. Everyone is somehow dating someone but everyone is again somehow single when you meet them for the first time. Back to our point. Lies

What kind of brutality, impunity and evil would one have all at once to waste ones good time? There’s a time I swore I’d rather have someone leave me at an isle than marry me then waste my time. My good time! and suddenly I’m crying and considering divorce.

Even the 90 day rule is crap to me. I’ve met big pretenders and I can bet on my life a man who just wants to put a woman in bed will wait. They are patient. Infact they will even put their resources to good use. And once they hit it they ghost. Funny lying mortals!

These are our brothers, our cousins and funny enough even our fathers.( A good majority) And that is why I’ll always say, boys will always be what they are taught. Teach a man honesty and he will be honest for a good time.

I’m not saying women are the cleaner gender when it comes to lying, infact a woman can lie her way out of a death row. That’s how much a woman can lie. A woman can fake a whole phone conversation to make you think she’s actually in big trouble and needs cash. A woman could deceive you in such a way that you’d never find out the truth. It’s almost like a talent. But we can both agree lying to someone with intentions of hurting their emotions is way worse. We’ve all had our bad heartbreaks. I know you understand my logic. A woman mostly lies to get her things done and a man will lie into making you believe a non existing thing. Who is worse? Food for thought.

No one wants their feelings hurt or their time wasted. You want to smash and go? Tell her that’s your intention. You want to just be friends? Stop sending the wrong signals. You are married but want a night stand? Tell her! At the end of the day you’re saving your time and money. Notice the emphasis on time. I swear the world would be a better place with more straightforward men. And I’m definitely hinting.

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